Mindful Sex: Why it’s not just a buzzword

So I was scrolling online, half-looking for work pants, when I stumbled across something called “mindful pants.” Yes, pants. Mindful ones. According to the description, these trousers were practically transcendent, stitched with the apparent ability to elevate your consciousness (or at the very least, your awareness of wearing pants?).

I rolled my eyes so hard I nearly tipped off my chair.

But it got me thinking. In a world where everything from smoothies to spreadsheets is being labelled mindful, is anything safe from the wellness wash?

Don’t get me wrong mindfulness is powerful. Life-changing, even. But not everything needs the label. Which begs the question: what actually is mindfulness? And is mindful sex just the next shiny trend or something more?

As a psychologist and sex therapist, I support clients every day using mindfulness-based sex therapy. And here’s the truth: mindful sex isn’t just real, its got a huge evidence base and can be radically effective. In fact, I’d go as far as saying mindfulness is the unsung hero of pleasure.

But let’s rewind a little.

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So, what is mindfulness anyway?

The word mindfulness has Buddhist roots, with terms like sati (awareness) and vipassanā (insight) laying the groundwork. Fast-forward to 1979, when Jon Kabat-Zinn brought Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction (MBSR) into Western medicine, offering a secular, science-backed definition:

The basic human ability to be fully present, aware of where we are and what we’re doing, and not overly reactive or overwhelmed by what’s going on around us.

Since then, mindfulness has exploded into mainstream psychology, shown to improve focus, regulate emotions, and boost overall wellbeing. And yes, it has a lot to offer in the bedroom.

What is mindful sex?

Mindful sex is about bringing full awareness and curiosity to your sexual experiences. It’s less about performance, and more about presence. Instead of racing toward a goal (orgasm, approval, “doing it right”), you’re tuning in to sensation, emotion, connection moment by moment.

Leading mindful sex researcher Lori Brotto puts it simply:

“Satisfying sex is quite simply not possible without mindfulness.”

This isn’t a new idea. Ancient traditions like Tantra have been exploring this connection for centuries. Contrary to the Western stereotype, Tantra isn’t just about elaborate sex moves, rather it’s a spiritual tradition that honours sensuality, awareness, and embodiment. Its teachings, which date back to around 600 CE, celebrate the body as a source of wisdom, not shame.

Modern sex therapy caught on in the 1960s. The work of Masters and Johnson introduced sensate focus, a practice of slow, mindful touch that remains a staple in therapy today. While they didn’t use the word “mindfulness,” their work laid the foundation for what we now call mindful sex.

Why does this matter?

Because when it comes to sex, most of us weren’t given much of an education, let alone one that included presence, consent, emotional safety, or pleasure.

Mindfulness gives us a way to unlearn shame and disconnection, and relearn trust, curiosity, and joy.

It can help us:

• Get out of our heads and into our bodies

• Navigate desire, pain, or performance anxiety

• Deepen intimacy and connection

• Honour our needs and boundaries

• Reclaim pleasure on our own terms

Mindful sex isn’t just about “spicing things up.” It’s about reclaiming your body as a place you can come home to not just in sex, but in life.

Something to ponder

I’ll leave you with a few gentle questions to sit with, journal on, or share with someone you trust:

• How does the quality of your sexual experiences impact your overall wellbeing? Emotionally, physically, spiritually?

• Are there patterns in your sexual life that feel disconnected, performative, or misaligned?

• In what ways do you currently prioritise pleasure both in and out of the bedroom? What might change if you brought more mindfulness to those moments?

Mindfulness isn’t just about breathing on a cushion. It’s about living with more intention, more connection, and more aliveness including in our most intimate moments.

Here’s to that.

With pleasure,

Amy Campbell